Tough Decisions

One thing about being a working mom is that there are days when Carley isn't feeling well, and she wants me to stay home with her. I wish I had the ability to just say "okay, I'm staying home." Today was one of those days.

Carley seemed fine and happy when I told her that Grammy was coming over to visit, and she was sitting on the couch, drinking her milk and smiling, until I announced that I was going to work. She climbed down, stuck out her top lip (which makes me laugh, because my brother and my best friend said I did the same thing every time I cried as a kid), and cried. She did not want me to leave today. She gave me a huge hug, and wouldn't let go of me.

Carley has never been the kind of baby to cry for no reason, well, no GOOD reason. If she was crying, it was for wanting something - food, sleep, to feel better, etc. So I knew she didn't feel well. But it absolutely breaks my heart to leave her when she's crying out "mamma! mamma!" She seemed to recover well, but ugh, it kills me.

Better?

Well, today (so far) has been better than yesterday. I went to the doctor to deal with my migraine and my temporary confusion that I experienced yesterday. I am convinced that it has to do with my insulin-resistance (pre-diabetes) and a combination of lack of sleep, lack of water and proper nutrition. Oh, and I had a cold on top of all of that.

The doctor, however, wants to rule out any neurological conditions (stroke? tumors? epilepsy?) so I go in for an MRI next week. I'm not overly thrilled about that because I'm like Chicken Little - the sky is falling! Of course I've convinced myself of the worst and having a daughter makes it that much harder for me because I need to be around for her.

It's all good. I'm sure it'll come back as nothing more than an intense migraine brought on by the amazing chocolate cake I had yesterday. It's back to the gym and healthy eating for me.

And on a side note...my husband is the most wonderful person ever. It's so easy to get stuck in ruts of bills, and life, and we sometimes get on each others nerves, but when I was having my issues yesterday I was texting Chris because I was really scared. I ended up leaving, and Chris came in to see me. At the time, and up until 8:00 this morning, I thought they came to visit because they were in town. The girls at work told me he told them that he came to visit because I wasn't feeling well - that he wanted to check on me.

He is so sweet and he's never tell me that. I'm so lucky to have him and he's going to be there with me next week when I have my MRI. Which I know will come out as nothing more than migraines. And no more cake. Dammit!

Scary moments

Well, today hasn't been the best of days for me. I had some scary moments at work. I was talking to someone in my office who talked about a girl in my office named Shannon. When she said that name I thought to myself "is that her name?" I actually had to go back to my desk and see who Shannon was. Now, my office is large (over 50 employees), but I know Shannon. I used to ask her quit a bit to hang out with me. Not long after that, I forgot the name of the medication that I take every single day.

I started to freak out. I didn't know if I was having diabetic issues, Alzheimer's issues or what. Not long after that I started to lose my vision due to an ocular migraine.

Needless to say I left work. I still don't know what caused my temporary memory loss, but it's probably a combination of hormones, migraines, lack of sleep and too much sugar. Regardless, I'm headed to the doctor soon and hopefully they'll tell me it's nothing to worry about.

If God intended for spiders to live, he wouldn't let them come into my house

It's no secret I'm terrified of spiders. No, not all. I mean, itty bitty spiders don't bother me and neither does the Itsy Bitsy spider. But mammoth spiders that obviously have been in a dark corner growing HUGE over the summer do bother me.

I woke up this morning and walked out into my living room and saw a huge spider on the wall. Not only was it huge, but it was a huge as a tarantula! And what was worse, was that it was on the wall, high above the stairs. And there was no way I was going to let that thing crawl around. I was going to have to find a way to kill it. Or call 911.

Chris, who is about 6'6" was already gone for work. And even he wouldn't have been able to get it from the stairs. So, I knew I'd have to have a very long something and I might be able to stand on the couch and lean over the balcony to reach it. So I grabbed the mop and I leaned over the couch. Both hands on the handle and I was just waiting for it to grab the mop and say "No you don't!"

I squished the thing and of course, it fell down the side of the wall, on to the floor below - STILL MOVING! I ran downstairs and placed the mop on top of what I really hope is a dead carcass. And I left it there.

That mop will stay there until the carcass disintegrates. I know there are people who "capture and release" spiders because they "do so much good" for nature. B.S. If God intended for spiders to live, he wouldn't have 1) made them so HUGE! and 2) let them come into my house.

I won't even talk about the spider in Africa that is so large they call it a dinner-plate spider (oh, and it eats BIRDS!).

The weekend

The weekend is here and Carley and I have a fun weekend planned together. Swim lessons (or as I like to call it "let's play catch pink eye!"), playing, watching Elmo for the 400th time and just having fun mommy and me time.

The weather isn't supposed to be that great, so this will be a true test for finding stuff to do with a toddler that ISN'T outside. Normally we spend a few hours at a park playing on the equipment, or, during summer on cold days, we went to the mall. But with the Guide being worked on, 4000 WWU students returning to school and all public schools back in session, I think our best bet is to stay home.

Due to our desire to keep our daughter out of day care, Chris will be working this weekend. Except on Sunday, when he and his brother go to a home Seahawks game. Carley and I will be rooting from home!

Hello, my name is Jennifer Bonstein

And that's what someone is going to be saying if my license ends up in the wrong hands. I've lost my driver's license.

On my lunch hour yesterday I decided to go to Barnes and Noble and do a little Christmas shopping. As I reached into my wallet to pull out my debit card to pay, I noticed my debit card wasn't there. Okay, okay, no need to freak out. I probably bought something and put it back in hastily. So I get out my checkbook and write a check for the amount - after asking if they even take checks. On a side note, it won't be long before checks are obsolete and no one takes them anymore. The fact that I had to even ask if they take checks is a perfect example why.

Anyway...I hand over my check and the clerk asks for my identification. Um, so where's my license? Is freaking out allowed now? Yup. And I did. I never take my license out of my wallet, but I thought maybe Carley was playing with it and took it out so I dug out every card I had in every pocket in my wallet. Nothing.

There's a line of people behind me, the clerk is staring at me and I'm freaking out - yet, I still need to pay for my books and show some sort of identification. So, I pull out my Costco card (not good enough), I flashed my I.D. badge from work (still no good, and I think the clerk was starting to think I was a little insane) and finally I pull out my Sudden Valley member card (still no good).

I was finally able to provide my license number and leave the store, but where is my license you ask? I. DON'T. KNOW!

The only thing I can think of is that it fell out of my wallet when I was paying for either lunch or clothes in Seattle last week. That's the last time I had it. So, if it fell out and some unscrupulous person picks it up, soon there will be 2 Jennifer Bonsteins and one of them is probably going to start getting credit cards and opening checking accounts with no money (can you tell I deal with a lot of identity theft at work?)

I now have the task of obtaining a new license, which really isn't as easy as one might think. You have to provide strange things in order to get a new license and report yours as stolen. To prove your identity, believe it or not, a Passport does NOT qualify as one of the items they want to see. I have to show them a utility bill, or a mortgage statement or a medical insurance payment. And the hardest part? I have to try to have a good hair day today. So you know that means it'll look like crap.

Well, off to the DMV I go...

Hello?

Well, due to the kind of work I do, there's not much I can tell you about my job and what goes on. I work in the Prosecuting Attorney's office with adult felony crimes, which is why most everything I do is confidential. But today, I can tell you that I am on the front desk answering the phones.

When I was hired, I was hired as the receptionist. This was waaaayyy back before we had PC's and email. It seems like email has been around forever, but not in government work. We had what were called "dummy terminals" and it was just our database and a very archaic word processing system. It wasn't user friendly at all. But because we didn't have email, everyone called. We used to receive in excess of 600 calls per day. It was very stressful because you were also required to keep up with your extra duties while all 6 lines were ringing, you were helping those in the lobby and unlocking the front door. I was the receptionist for a year and it was miserable.

Nowadays, the receptionist has it easy. For one, the pay scaled has jumped 2 ranges and with the addition of email, you can go an hour without a single phone call. The work load has also decreased. No, I'm not bitter. I just sound like it.

Today, I'm answering phones again, but these days I don't mind. It's a nice little break and it's nice to see what's going on in the office. When you're up front you are the information master - you see all the reports and hear everything with everyone. I just hope no one yells at me (and if you can go an entire day without someone from the public yelling at you, you can call it a good day).

It's....PINK! EYE!

Run! The horrid pink eye has arrived! Hide your children! Shut the windows!

Well, okay, maybe a little overdramatic, but that's what people are thinking when you tell them you have pink eye, which, unfortunately, I have. The people I work with freak out over a cold. I can't imagine what they'd do if I showed up with pink eye. My attorney once threw away a pen because I dared to touch it while I had a cold. It was insulting, so when he wasn't looking I coughed on his office door handle. Just kidding. Or am I?

Turns out I probably got it from our mommy and me swim class on Saturday. Turns out the public pool is a petrie dish for pink eye. Who knew? So far I haven't infected anyone, but if I want someone to leave me alone, I just say "Ew, what's that oozing out of my eye?" and they run like the wind. I might have to use that one when I go back to work tomorrow and my attorney tries to make me do some work.

Hovander Park

The great thing about having kids is that it forces me to get out and explore. Today Carley and I went to Hovander Park in Ferndale. We had so much fun and we never even made it to the playground area.

At first the geese scared her and anytime they made a noise, she'd hide behind me. We even went to the goats and pigs and they have no problem with people. They would run up to us and stick their heads through the fence.

We played on a tractor and even stairs. When you're 19 months old, stairs are tons of fun. And luckily Carley likes to have her picture taken so all I ever had to say was "Go stand on the stairs, let mommy take your picture." and she did. She is so photogenic.

Overall it was a great day, despite me possibly having pink eye. That's a blog for a different day.

Melmo boobie leeze

My great-grandma Smith was Scottish and had such a thick Scottish accent, she should have had sub-titles. She'd ask me and my brother a question and we'd stand there smiling at her until my mom would interrupt with a reply saying "yes, Jenny's 7 now". Sweet woman, but I never understood anything she said to me.

Now I'm the interpreter.

I once told my mom how funny it was when mom's had to interpret what their kids were saying and I now find myself in that roll. Carley will say to me "Melmo boobie leeze" and I know what she's really saying is "Elmo movie please." The word "no" and "milk" are the same sounds, as are "pacifier" and "water" so as you can see she does require a bit of interpretation and frankly, a lot of guesswork. Before I know it, "melmo boobie" will be replaced with "OMG, IROFLAO" and someone will have then have to interpret her for me. Mom?

Girls day out

Thursday was a rare "girls day out" for me. My mom, sister-in-law Renae, friend Tammy and I went out to go see The Phantom of the Opera in Seattle.

I saw the play once about 15 years ago and I loved it, but we sat so far back that we missed the action that happened off the stage - such as the Phantom being above the stage and the chandelier crashing on to the stage. This time, however, we had seats in row 10! Unbelievable seats and what a difference sitting that close. It felt so much more intimate than any other play I've been too. It was as beautiful as I remembered it to be.

Of course, we didn't just go to the play...we had a long lunch and did some shopping and I had such a wonderful time. I really miss those kinds of days.

And, I really missed Carley and Chris too, so it was just as good to get home. Unfortunately, Carley was more excited to see and play with the clothes I bought her than she was to see me. Ah, I can see the future now...

Special Visit

I got a special visit at work today...my husband and daughter! It was special because they never come visit me at work. In fact, in the eleven years I've worked here, Chris has come in (unexpectedly) 4 times - MAYBE! And I can't recall anytime he's brought Carley in as a surprise.

Carley isn't feeling well so she just sat on my lap, looking around my cubicle I think she was eyeing my computer, hoping to watch Elmo or Little Einsteins, and she even said "Mickey" once, as if looking for my stuffed Mickey Mouse I had the last time she was at work with me (I guess she forgot she took it home). She was shy when everyone came by to say hello, but it was just so great to see Chris and Carley today. Just the jolt of happiness that I needed today.

Word of the day is.....'no'

The word of the day today is no - both for me and for Carley (19 months). She has just learned how to say 'no' (thanks grandpa!), but thankfully she does not really know what it means yet. Though she did say it once at the right time yesterday ("Carley, do you want some more milk?", "no").

This is also my word of the day. As she gets more and more brave, she wants to test the limits and the word 'no' only works on the small things...like "no, don't touch daddy's barbie doll, I mean action figure." but if I really mean no for the big things, I have to use a different tactic (often clapping loudly to get her attention while saying 'no' sternly).

It can be a challenge at times, and boy can she throw a fit! Sometimes I wonder how she can go to this screaming, stomping, red-faced devil child one minute to the angelic angel who wants to cuddle the next. And I've been called moody? She must get it from her dad. Yup, it's all Chris.

About me...

Maybe this should be in the "about me" section, but I can't really tell you much about me in 1200 characters or less. I could tell you that my name is Jennifer Bonstein and that I'm 35 (coming up on 36 next month), but I couldn't really tell you much more than that.

It's almost like when someone asks you to describe a boy you dated in high school that they have never seen before..."he has brown hair, blue eyes and is 6' tall". Yeah, that narrows it down. The about me section is vague, like the boy from high school.

I am many things in life. I am a wife to Chris, my husband since 2000. We've been together since 2000 and he is my best friend and I am so lucky that he married me. I often ask "why me" because he is truly the nicest person you'll ever meet. Everywhere he goes, people love him and I'm often told by his co-workers and friends 'he is the nicest person' and he truly is. We are very different. That's not to say that I'm not a nice person, but I'm not sure I can make an impact on people the way he does. He always makes me laugh, and that is what I love most about him.

I am also a mother to Carley, who was born on our 5th wedding anniversary. Before I had Carley, I was terrified of the thought of having kids. Everyone always told me "it's different with your own", but I always said..."What if it's not?" You don't know how a baby is going to change your life until you have one - good or bad. Carley has been nothing but a blessing for me. We tried for 4 years to have her, and are lucky we got her and because of that, I relish in all the small moments. I laugh when she does. I love it when she figures out how to say a new word, even if that word is "no". I even love it when we got down on the ground, up close and personal, with a caterpillar crawling along the street. Life through the eyes of a child is a truly wondrous thing.

During the day I work as a legal assistant. Before I had Carley, my job was my life. I loved waking up every day and coming to work. I do still love my job, but it doesn't define me the way it did 2 years ago.

I am also an amateur photographer. I'd love to have a career as a photographer one day, but until my skills match my desire, I have to classify myself as an amateur, and I don't charge a thing for what I do. For as long as I can remember I've loved taking pictures. You can see some of my work here: http://jenjen.photography.com.

So that's me...in a blog.