Friends

I have recently recieved a two very nice compliments from friends and in receiving these compliments I have come to realize that I don't think very much of myself. I wish I knew why that was.

I have a belief that I am forgetful, almost like I"m invisible. I am there, but once I'm gone, so are all traces of me. I identify myself by full name (or title) when calling collegues and even when I call family members, who aren't my parents or sibling, I identify myself not only by my full name, but my full maiden name.

I don't know when it started, but I wish I knew why it started. The result is that I am surprised when I get a compliment.

The first was from someone who told me that she wanted to spend time with me outside of work. I never thought that spending time with me would be something people would find fun. I really haven't.

The other was a friend who told me that I always made her laugh and that she wished we lived closer.

It means a lot to me that my friends would say that, and even more so because they don't know that it meant a lot to me. I hope to instill better self-esteem in my daughter, because it's not fun, thinking people forget you the second you walk out of the room.

Goodbye

My friend Barb passed away this morning. She was 61. Five months ago she discovered that she had lung cancer which had spread into her brain. I think she knew that she didn't have much time left. Once it's in your brain, there's not much else you can do, but she fought to the end. She had chemotherapy and radiation therapy but at the end of the day, she lost.

Barb and I met at my work. She was hired as the receiptionist and she was one of the funniest persons I knew. She laughed at everything - funny or not. She laughed at the hand she was dealt in life, which wasn't always great one. But I envied her always positive attitude.

We lost contact a few years ago. I left work to have a baby and she left after an accident left her unable to work. I thought about her often and had hoped that she would come through this cancer fine.

In true Barb fashion, she has donated her body to science. And I think that is the perfect ending to her life. I will miss my friend.